User Instructions Are The Most Underused Leadership Tool

​Ever walked out of a meeting thinking you had full agreement and commitment—only to discover weeks later that no one had a clear sense of expectations or how to work together? Most leadership energy loss starts long before it evolves into conflict. It starts with the assumptions no one bothered to explore, check and repeat out loud. Leaders tend to think our intentions, preferences and expectations are more visible to others than they actually are. We assume people understand us, and yet they rarely fully do. In leadership, that gap between what we think we have communicated and what others actually hear becomes a breeding ground for frustration, misalignment and preventable energy loss. But when leaders are aware of their own operating principles and become radically clear about their values, quirks and decision-making principles, teams can relax, alignment accelerates and the relational load of working together becomes noticeably lighter.

Thinking Expectations Are Clear When They Aren't
One CEO was brilliant, fast-thinking and deeply committed to empowering her leadership team, but she was exhausted by constant escalations and check-ins. “I would like to lean out more,” she said. When I asked if her direct reports knew what she expected them to do without her, she paused. “I think so,” she said. During an expectations-mapping exercise with her team, we uncovered three assumptions about her decision thresholds that were not clear before and took time to define:

1. How much risk she was comfortable with
2. How fast she expected decisions to be made
3. When alignment was required

Once the team explored and articulated her expectations explicitly in a few bullet points, team culture shifted. Escalations dropped, speed increased and the team became more decisive. People on her team were not the issue; inexplicit, unchecked expectations were.

The Ongoing Nature Of Expectations Management
In a recent session with two senior leaders who were stepping into new roles, something powerful happened. They had known each other for over a decade, respected each other deeply and had already weathered a complex professional history together. But the new dynamic required new clarity. In our session, they both named what they needed from the other to perform at their best:

• Addressing issues early
• Giving each other direct feedback before looping in third parties
• Offering recognition
• Checking in on the person behind the intellect or pace

They acknowledged that one is more analytical and reflective, while the other is faster-paced and instinctive. At a certain point, one leader voiced something that shifted the energy: “It bugs me when I realize you’ve already talked to someone else about an issue before you talk to me.” The other validated their colleague, and I felt trust growing. When we change roles and context, our behaviors and expectations change. Being explicit about expectations in new roles creates clarity and paves the way for explicit operating principles, both of which are necessary for trust and smooth, swift cooperation.

The Magic Of Beginnings
A powerful illustration of expectations-setting comes from Hillary Super before she officially started her role as CEO at Victoria’s Secret. She joined a company-wide town hall and introduced herself with one sentence most executives would never say out loud: “I’m an introvert.” She explained that she was naturally quieter and more reserved, and she didn’t want people to interpret that as aloofness or lack of approachability. In one stroke, she diffused the most common misinterpretations introverted leaders face: silence mistaken for distance, thoughtfulness mistaken for disengagement. What she did was intentional expectations management. Instead of waiting for her team to experience the first moment of misalignment—the quiet pause in a meeting, the reflective look that someone might misread—she named the pattern up front. She taught people how to read her accurately. First encounters have what I call the magic of beginnings. There is a natural openness of minds at the beginning of a relationship that we can use to create clarity and establish good foundations.

How can you start defining your own leadership user instructions?
One of the most helpful practices I coach leaders to do is create their own user instructions, a concise, honest articulation of how to work with them. This is also a way to further operationalize your values as a leader. To do this yourself, define the following:
1. What I value (e.g., speed over perfection)
2. What I expect of others (e.g., “I expect you to act as a leader of our organization when you make decisions, not just a leader of your team or department.”)
3. How I make decisions (e.g., “A decision without pain is no decision; every one of us will at some point experience this pain when we make decisions together.”)
4. What I find difficult (e.g., “I am impatient. I get triggered when I feel there is no progress.”)
5. My quirks (e.g., “My calendar is my nervous system; keep it clean.”)
6. What support looks like for me (e.g., “Bring me unfinished thinking, not polished slides.”)
You’ll also want to ask your team for their user instructions. This way, everyone can work from a shared understanding.

A Simple Exercise For The Next Weeks
Use the following exercise to proactively overcome the illusion of transparency and prevent false assumptions within your team. Schedule a 30-minute conversation with three of your key direct reports or stakeholders. Engage in dialogue around the following questions:
1. What’s one expectation of mine you think you understand, but you’re not completely sure?
2. What do you need from me to do your best work?
3. What’s one preference or quirk of yours that the team should know?
4. What else do we need to address to work together effectively?

Keep Iterating: clarifying user instructions is an ongoing practice
There is never a final version of your user instructions. They are an ongoing work in progress and a practice of developing ongoing self-awareness as a leader. Leadership is a relational sport. Your clarity invites clarity from your staff. Explicit expectations are not micromanagement. Leadership becomes harder when we expect people to decode us. Clarity is kindness. Intentionality is discipline. Explicit expectations are your best strategy for effective execution and your best defense against unnecessary drama, wasted energy and misalignment.

An invitation for this week:
Try drafting your own user instructions this week — even just three lines. What do you value, what triggers you, what does support look like for you? Share them with one person who works closely with you and notice how the conversation shifts.

This article originally appeared on Forbes Coaches Council:
https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2025/12/15/user-instructions-are-the-most-underused-leadership-tool/